i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
