I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
