Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
