Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
