My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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