i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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