Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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