my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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