I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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