I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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