just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I look better un-naked...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
