I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
