Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize