Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
