When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize