Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
