Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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