I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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