I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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