Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize