He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's like heaven, but drunker
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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