Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
