I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
