I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
