don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
