and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
