Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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