This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize