yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
