it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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