That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
