His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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