I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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