Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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