Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
