I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize