I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
