Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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