After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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