i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We left the knife in your bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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