I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
zippers are such a cool invention
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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