Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize