I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
smell my finger.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
