I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
