Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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