how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize