I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
false alarm, still single
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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