you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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