its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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