this just has baby written all over it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
