can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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