we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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