My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
