i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
