Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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