Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
