You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
