How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How does it feel to date your dad?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
