you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize