and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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