My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize