What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
