On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You have to summon your inner elephant
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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