hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
