Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
