Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
