how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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