I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
