so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
