I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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