Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
