Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize