You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
