Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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