id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize