even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
