is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And then he peed in my hair
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