Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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