Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
