so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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