I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize