Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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