Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
