Barsexuality is the new black.
my shit smells like andre
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I pour the whiskey from now on
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
