We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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