they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize