I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When are your genitals available?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
