I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
