She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
