i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
