mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
